Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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