dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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