I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
