I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My vagina just clenched in fear
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
