your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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