I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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