My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
