I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
