and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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