i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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