8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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