Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
