OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
