Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
