I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You need Xanax blowdarts
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
