You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
