Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
