I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
