I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
