did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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