It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
