So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
