It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
