My liver just broke up with me...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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