am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
