is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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