Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
