Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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