You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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