She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
