Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
