the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
