Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
