When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
