Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
