At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
