I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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