I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
