Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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