I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
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i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
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You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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