Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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