I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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