he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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