Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize