I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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