shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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