I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
