I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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