i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
