we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
