People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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