So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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