So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
