dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize