He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
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I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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