we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
