i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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