My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
