his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
