My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
