I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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