Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
