Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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