Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize