I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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