not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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