I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
please come you make the beer taste better
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You have to summon your inner elephant
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
