i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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