I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
