I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
